Perspective

I recently spent a weekend at the beach for the first time this summer.  As I sat on the beach, I reexperienced how calming it is to watch the waves break on the sand and listen to the sound of the surf.  Anxieties seem to drop away with each  crashing wave.  Later I was thinking that one of the benefits of being at the seashore is that it gives you perspective.  Being so close to the enormity of the ocean can make individual problems seem smaller, while the rhythm of  the waves relaxes one’s breathing for further physical relaxation.

Perspective is a crucial element to a sense of well-being. 

I recently spent a weekend at the beach for the first time this summer. As I sat on the beach, I reexperienced how calming it is to watch the waves break on the sand and listen to the sound of the surf. Anxieties seem to drop away with each crashing wave. Later I was thinking that one of the benefits of being at the seashore is that it gives you perspective. Being so close to the enormity of the ocean can make individual problems seem smaller, while the rhythm of the waves relaxes one’s breathing for further physical relaxation.

Perspective is a crucial element to a sense of well-being. It allows us to discern between big problems that require attention and smaller issues that don’t deserve the angst they sometimes initiate. Growing up, it’s almost impossible not to internalize distorted perceptions of ourselves and the world around us. In psychotherapy, part of the work is to recognize these distortions and put them in perspective. The greater self-knowledge that results allows for greater happiness and less stress.

I have also found, in working with couples, that the ability to look at things from the other’s perspective is one of the keys to better communication. It’s the underpinning of empathy. Without perspective, we often make the wrong assumptions about another’s intentions, and this can lead to confusion and conflict.

So spend some time at the beach this summer if you get the chance. It’s a good place to start.

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Not a Dress Rehearsal...

A smart woman said to me years ago, when I was stuck in ambivalence, “this is not a dress rehearsal.” My life was being lived in a state of indecision, as if waiting for the opening night curtain to rise. At the root of this indecision for me, as is common for many people, was a deep sense of ambivalence.

Ambivalence is not about not knowing what you want.

A smart woman said to me years ago, when I was stuck in ambivalence, “this is not a dress rehearsal.” My life was being lived in a state of indecision, as if waiting for the opening night curtain to rise. At the root of this indecision for me, as is common for many people, was a deep sense of ambivalence.

Ambivalence is not about not knowing what you want. It’s really about wanting two opposite things at the same time; or having two opposing feelings simultaneously. Hence the feeling of being stuck. If you move toward one desire, you’re moving away from the opposite desire.

Another aspect of ambivalence, at the feeling level, is the experience of feeling both love and hate for the same person. While sometimes this is clear on the surface, often one or the other feeling is repressed (kept out of consciousness). This can lead to behavior that seems unexplainable. For example, hurting someone you apparently feel only love for. When feelings stay hidden, they remain unresolved.

Psychotherapy can help you work through ambivalence, as it did for me. It is not always easy, and it can take time, but the result is rewarding: a much clearer sense of who you are and what you want. Then you can get past the dress rehearsal and take the center stage of your life.

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Hope

I was in Washington DC among the crowd of nearly 2 million people present to witness the swearing in of our new president, Barack Obama. It was a bitterly cold day, and yet people came to the Mall that day before the sun came up to wait on long lines for the privilege of being part of this moment in history. There was a feeling of excitement and happiness and optimism in the cold air.

I was in Washington DC among the crowd of nearly 2 million people present to witness the swearing in of our new president, Barack Obama. It was a bitterly cold day, and yet people came to the Mall that day before the sun came up to wait on long lines for the privilege of being part of this moment in history. There was a feeling of excitement and happiness and optimism in the cold air.

As I listened to Obama’s inaugural address, I started thinking about his campaign message of hope in the face of all the difficulties we’re facing in this country right now. Financial instability, war, lack of health insurance, lack of trust in government brought about by the George W. years… all conspire to make us feel down. And yet, all 2 million of us were sitting there in the freezing cold feeling hopeful.

Hopelessness is one of the components of depression. When someone is feeling depressed, she often can’t think of anything to feel hopeful about. This can contribute to the pervasive feeling of paralysis in depression. But finding even one thing to feel hopeful about can start to turn the tide of depression. Therapy can provide that sense of hope, that change is possible, and that someone can help you.

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