Not a Dress Rehearsal...

A smart woman said to me years ago, when I was stuck in ambivalence, “this is not a dress rehearsal.” My life was being lived in a state of indecision, as if waiting for the opening night curtain to rise. At the root of this indecision for me, as is common for many people, was a deep sense of ambivalence.

Ambivalence is not about not knowing what you want.

A smart woman said to me years ago, when I was stuck in ambivalence, “this is not a dress rehearsal.” My life was being lived in a state of indecision, as if waiting for the opening night curtain to rise. At the root of this indecision for me, as is common for many people, was a deep sense of ambivalence.

Ambivalence is not about not knowing what you want. It’s really about wanting two opposite things at the same time; or having two opposing feelings simultaneously. Hence the feeling of being stuck. If you move toward one desire, you’re moving away from the opposite desire.

Another aspect of ambivalence, at the feeling level, is the experience of feeling both love and hate for the same person. While sometimes this is clear on the surface, often one or the other feeling is repressed (kept out of consciousness). This can lead to behavior that seems unexplainable. For example, hurting someone you apparently feel only love for. When feelings stay hidden, they remain unresolved.

Psychotherapy can help you work through ambivalence, as it did for me. It is not always easy, and it can take time, but the result is rewarding: a much clearer sense of who you are and what you want. Then you can get past the dress rehearsal and take the center stage of your life.