A smart woman said to me years ago, when I was stuck in ambivalence, “this is not a dress rehearsal.” My life was being lived in a state of indecision, as if waiting for the opening night curtain to rise. At the root of this indecision for me, as is common for many people, was a deep sense of ambivalence.
Ambivalence is not about not knowing what you want.
A smart woman said to me years ago, when I was stuck in ambivalence, “this is not a dress rehearsal.” My life was being lived in a state of indecision, as if waiting for the opening night curtain to rise. At the root of this indecision for me, as is common for many people, was a deep sense of ambivalence.
Ambivalence is not about not knowing what you want. It’s really about wanting two opposite things at the same time; or having two opposing feelings simultaneously. Hence the feeling of being stuck. If you move toward one desire, you’re moving away from the opposite desire.
Another aspect of ambivalence, at the feeling level, is the experience of feeling both love and hate for the same person. While sometimes this is clear on the surface, often one or the other feeling is repressed (kept out of consciousness). This can lead to behavior that seems unexplainable. For example, hurting someone you apparently feel only love for. When feelings stay hidden, they remain unresolved.
Psychotherapy can help you work through ambivalence, as it did for me. It is not always easy, and it can take time, but the result is rewarding: a much clearer sense of who you are and what you want. Then you can get past the dress rehearsal and take the center stage of your life.
New patients are often unsure what to expect in the first session, how to behave, what to say. There can be anxiety about starting a new process and opening up to someone you’re meeting for the first time.
The first session is an opportunity for both the therapist and the patient to get a sense of each other and whether they can work well together.
New patients are often unsure what to expect in the first session, how to behave, what to say. There can be anxiety about starting a new process and opening up to someone you’re meeting for the first time.
The first session is an opportunity for both the therapist and the patient to get a sense of each other and whether they can work well together. As the patient, you want to see how comfortable you feel in the presence of the therapist. You are not expected to trust the therapist completely from the beginning, but you should be able to have a sense of him or her as someone you could trust over time. The psychotherapist is trying to get an overall sense of a new patient in the first session – what crisis or other issues they’re dealing with currently, what their life is like, how they view themselves, and perhaps some background about their childhood and recent past.
It’s ok to ask questions of the therapist. What is her background and training? What is his style of working? What types of patients does she work with? These types of questions will give you a better sense of the therapist’s perspective and experience. It can be a relief to unburden yourself of the things you’ve been dealing with on your own, and you want to have a sense that the therapist understands and can work with you to help you make the changes you want in your life.
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